


One Of Those Days

by Janamelie



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 07:30:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6070546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janamelie/pseuds/Janamelie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rimmer gets a lot more than he bargained for when he goes snooping in Todhunter's quarters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Of Those Days

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LordValeryMimes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordValeryMimes/gifts).



Rimmer wheeled his trolley angrily down the corridor, pushing past people without bothering with his usual surface politeness.  Today had been the day from smeg and he had just about had it, thank you so very much.  Todhunter could shove his superior attitude up his poncey, silver spoon fed arse.

Half the vending machines on A and B Deck had gone on the blink due to an electrical fault, forcing him to work through most of his lunch break and lose precious revision time.  To top it all off, Lister had decided to sneak off fifteen minutes before the end of their shift, leaving Rimmer to push the trolley like - well, like a Third Technician.  His attempts to report the little git had floundered as every officer he could think of had apparently also sloped off duty early.  He fumed impotently.   Friday afternoon or not, there were certain Space Corps standards to be upheld.

 

 

Feeling in need of a caffeine fix, he stopped at a vending machine and ordered an espresso.  As he waited he became aware of a small group of people gathered around the opposite one chatting over their drinks, having clearly just worked the same shift as he had.

"So," a voice piped up, "who d'you reckon Todhunter's shagging?"

Rimmer froze.  Glancing cautiously over his shoulder, he realised the question hadn't been aimed at him.

"Search me."  A woman he vaguely recognised shrugged.  "All I know is he keeps coming back from lunch with a daft grin on his face.  Must be some hot little number."

"Wonder why he doesn't go public with her?  After all, he's separated."

"Maybe he doesn't want it getting back to his wife in case she stops him seeing the kids.  And how do you know they're a she?"

"I dunno!  Just seems more likely."

"Never assume, my friend."  The group drained their cups, threw them at the nearby bin and moved off, laughing.

 

 

Rimmer stood rooted to the spot, his cup burning his hand.  Todhunter was having an affair?  Separated or not, that seemed like something the JMC might frown upon if it was affecting his work or the gulf in rank was wide enough.  The disruption caused by the power cut and the whole ship apparently going into weekend mode early was a golden opportunity.

Without giving himself time to think, he turned and made for the officers' deck, his trolley no longer an embarrassment but the ideal cover.

 

 

As he had anticipated, he barely drew a glance as he trundled the trolley along the plushly carpeted corridors of A Deck.  His eye was caught by one of the machines which had been unaffected by the localised power cut.  It bore a brightly coloured advert for the newest option.  Gazpacho soup.

Rimmer seethed as he continued his search for Todhunter's quarters.

 

 

It proved easier than he had expected.  The rooms were ordered alphabetically.  When he reached S he stopped and peered around the corner.  He shook his head in amazement at the huge slice of luck fate had seen fit to deal him.

All the apartments in this part of the corridor had wide open doors.  A team of electricians was milling about.

Acting on impulse, Rimmer abandoned the trolley out of sight and walked boldly around the corner, glancing discreetly at each nameplate until he found the one he was looking for.

Heart pounding, he crossed the threshold, mentally composing an excuse.  But there was no-one there.

He barely had time to register a bedroom twice the size of his bunkroom - with a double bed, for smeg's sake, why? - before voices sent him scrambling into the capacious wardrobe, leaving the door slightly ajar.

 

 

"I was given to understand that you would be finished by now."  Todhunter sounded as close to agitated as Rimmer had ever heard him.

"Apologies, sir.  It took longer than we expected.  We're done now - just have to check the aircon."

Rimmer heard faint clanking noises.  "Yeah, that's fine.  Have a good weekend, sir."  The electrician gathered up his bag and departed.  The voices in the corridor faded slowly into the distance.

 

 

There was a pause, then a new voice.  "About smegging time.  I've had a crappy day."

"Join the club.  Sorry love, but this has to be quick.  I can't get out of that damned meeting at six."

"Hey, I can do quick.  Not my first choice, but..."

 _What the...?_ Disbelieving the evidence of his own ears, Rimmer risked a look.

His bunkmate was standing close to Todhunter, his hands on the taller man's shoulders.

 

 

Rimmer's head span as his brain tried to process what he was seeing.  It couldn't be-  Then the first thing happened which would haunt his dreams for months to come.

First Officer Frank Todhunter grinned like a naughty schoolboy, leant down and kissed Lister.

 

 

Rimmer drew back from the door, stunned.  The smacking of lips echoed.  By the time he plucked up the courage to look again, they were stumbling sideways towards the bed, pawing at each other's clothes and laughing.

Lister pushed Todhunter down onto the bed and straddled him.  "My turn."

"O...K..." was the breathless response as Todhunter tugged Lister's trousers off his hips, taking the boxers with them.  Rimmer winced as Lister's massive, half-hard cock swung free.  Surely he wasn't going to...?

Lister's urgent fingers found Todhunter's zip and yanked it down without ceremony.  Todhunter pulled his underwear down himself, releasing his straining erection.

Rimmer thought his eyes might melt as Lister dipped his head and wrapped his lips around it.

Despite his brain screaming at him to stop watching, Rimmer's body refused to move.  He drank in every moment as his bunkmate reduced Todhunter to a moaning, sheet-clutching wreck.  In a matter of minutes, he arched and gasped: "Dave..."

His eyes stayed stubbornly open as a long-fingered hand fastened around Lister and went to work on him.  Rimmer knew he would never forget the sight of that ecstatic face.

 

 

It took the familiar rasp of Lister's lighter to break the spell.  Rimmer shrank back as Lister lit a cigarette and offered Todhunter a puff.

"I shouldn't - oh, smeg it."  The smoke which assaulted Rimmer's nostrils felt like the final insult.  He desperately smothered the urge to cough.

 

 

"That was unbelievable."  The bed creaked and there were sounds indicating movement, interspersed with kisses.  "Where did you learn to do it like that?"

"Nowhere with blokes before - I told you.  Me girlfriends all said I was a quick learner though."

"You're more than that."  The tenderness in Todhunter's voice disturbed Rimmer almost as much as what he had just witnessed.

 

 

As the movements became more distant, he dared another glance.  They were at the door, embracing, once again fully dressed.

"I hate sneaking you out like this.  In the maintenance lift, like a dirty secret."

"Come on, Frank, we agreed.  Neither of us need all that smeg right now.  And I work in maintenance, remember?"

"I didn't mean...  I just don't like hiding you."

"You're not, it's my choice.  See ya, man."  Lister craned upwards for one last kiss, then palmed the door open, smiled uncertainly and left.

 

 

Todhunter glanced at his watch, crossed hurriedly to the full-length mirror and inspected his reflection.  He quickly dragged a comb through his tousled curls, grabbed a file from his desk and made a swift exit.

 

 

Exhaling heavily, Rimmer looked down at himself.  His hand had a tight grip on his cock, which was painfully hard.

Surrendering to the inevitable, he let the images which had tattooed themselves to his eyeballs and the sounds haunting his ears send him over the edge.  Listy with his trousers bunched in the crooks of his knees, impossibly full lips caressing his cock...

 

 

 _Well_ , he pondered as he dazedly manoeuvred the trolley through the throng back on B Deck, _mission accomplished_.  Once word got out that a First Officer who was still legally married was playing Hide The Sausage with the lowest rank on the ship, Todhunter would be a laughing stock.

 _Except-_ He had no proof.  His best chance of obtaining it had disappeared behind the door of Todhunter's quarters as it closed smoothly behind him.

How could he have been so stupid?

Distracted, he collided with someone and lost control of the trolley.  It skidded into the corridor wall, scattering tools and implements in all directions.  Indistinguishable 14As to Zs intermingled.

"Yo, Rimmer!  Nice one."

Rimmer contemplated murder as he gazed into the mocking, infuriating face of Olaf Petersen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to LordValeryMimes for the gazpacho soup suggestion. I didn't ask you to beta this one so it would be a surprise.
> 
> Also thanks to RoseCathy for a certain inspirational gif and Felineranger for just generally being Felineranger. ;)


End file.
